I haven’t been around much on Instagram lately due to my mental health plummeting. Constant thoughts of being worthless, my boys & hubby needed more than I could give – failing them or so my head tricked me into believing. This hasn’t been the first that those thoughts have occurred in fact they reoccur farContinue reading “The Silence Explained.”
Tag Archives: panic
Remember, Remember the ̶5̶t̶h̶ 4th of November….
Before I start this is most definitely not going to be an easy read*Rockets SOAR – My Anxiety does to.Catherine Wheels SPIN – My Stomach does to.Bangers EXPLODE – My Head does to.The Bonfire that is Borderline Personality Disorder kept getting bigger & bigger, before long it was out of control. Suicidal thoughts flirted dangerously withContinue reading “Remember, Remember the ̶5̶t̶h̶ 4th of November….”
Better Days Are Coming.
Well I don’t really know where to actually begin! The past few weeks my life has had highs, lows & plenty of I can’t do this anymores, nearly 3 weeks out of hospital and my emotions are still changing on a Glasgow weather system basis. My mood kind of represents the weather coming to thinkContinue reading “Better Days Are Coming.”
Freedom.
Remember my Dooms Day Post about discharge? Remember the trembling fear? Remember the almost hallucinational like premonation of failure? Well today is the day…. D DAY – I’m being discharged from the lovely boutique Casa Le Dale, Leverndale Hospital. Am I anxious? Yep.Am I scared? Yep.Is thisnormal ? I think so, infact I know so,Continue reading “Freedom.”
Walking Towards The Light.
Will I ever be ready? Will I ever be in a frame of mind that I feel comfortable out of hospital? Of course I will but I feel like setting a date is a bit too optimistic for now although my Doctor doesn’t, my wonderful Dr who I can rarely be critical about but theContinue reading “Walking Towards The Light.”
1 Step Forward. 4 Steps Back.
The saying goes ‘1 step forward, 2 steps back’ try 4 steps back, steps dug defeated & tear soaked into my current abode – The Hospital. I was admitted back into Hospital just over a week ago due to overwhelming thoughts of Suicide, my inner critics haunting voice barking the darkest of self sabotage suggestionsContinue reading “1 Step Forward. 4 Steps Back.”
What does it take?
Who knows me best? Me, the victim of years of horrific mental torture from an illness I can’t control or f*cking “Nancy” from the Crisis Team who suggests a cup of Tea will wipe all my misery away. Who knew Tetleys was such a powerful preventative from the most depraved thoughts of destruction. I doContinue reading “What does it take?”
Tic-Toc
____ Tic-Tock…. So I’ve been home for 3 days now after a week of hospitalisation was deemed reasonable enough down time for an overly Suicidal ME. 3 days back into the real world & I’m struggling, struggling bad I’m trying my best to try & please everyone whilst failing miserably. I seem to find theContinue reading “Tic-Toc”
FREE-ish
FREE-ish A negative Covid Test meant today I finally was free, not entirely free but free from my room, free from those horrible vomit green shaded walls, temporarily free from the curtains that I washed with hand sanitizer & baby wipes yet still look like Hagrids flossed his teeth with them. I’m allowed to sitContinue reading “FREE-ish”
Ignored Pleas.
So I’ve now been here since Tuesday left alone with only sadistic voices in my head for company! I Only seem to see staff when they are giving me my medication or the type of food a rat would refuse! How can this be beneficial or therapeutic? My mattress is rock hard – an uncomfortableContinue reading “Ignored Pleas.”
Mummy & Mental Health :) 